Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Goodbye to Arthur

Here I am again, returned from Spring Break awhile ago, and into the full swing of life here at BGU. This last weekend we had our Campus Preview Weekend. We have a great host of prospective students come and stay with us so they can get a feel for what life on campus is all about. It's fun and exciting because you get to meet so many new people who have the same calling to missions as yourself. However, for introverts such as myself, it can also be exhausting. After two days of life back to usual, I'm just now starting to feel like myself again.

If you received my newsletter, you may have read about what happened with my car over Spring Break. If you did not receive my newsletter and would like to, you can add yourself to the mailing list  right here, right now.

Subscribe to my Newsletter

* indicates required

If you did not hear about what happened to my car, let me sum it up for you rather quickly. There was an unfortunate accident, and, well, you can see for yourself. My poor baby didn't fare so well. 

After several calls and discussions with insurance, they announced that it was a total loss. I cried. I cried a lot. I don't cry very often, but when I heard they couldn't fix my car I really, really cried. I loved my car. It wasn't just a set of wheels and a gas tank, his name was Arthur, and he was my partner in crime. We had some great adventures. 

I cried even more when I found out I would not be seeing any of the insurance money. While it was fully covered, I still owed money on the vehicle. This now meant I would no longer have my Ol' Faithful, but I would be completely without a car. 

If you are somewhat familiar with me, and who I am, in general, as a person, you may have noticed that I have a fairly strong independent streak that runs right through the center of my heart. I'm what some people might call a free-spirit, an adventurer, and I don't really need you to do my exploring. In fact, I really like doing it on my own. It's not that I don't like you, but going on adventures by myself is how I destress. It's a huge part of how I refocus my brain and keep myself moving in the right direction. 

Here's the thing though, when I decided to follow God and come to Minnesota, I gave Him one condition. "As long as I have a car. As long as I'll be able to keep my freedom." He didn't really have much to say in return, but I was able to get my car and happily headed off to the freezing tundra. 

God saw things I wasn't willing to recognize though. He saw a wall I'd placed around my heart, and He saw pride. Pride in a hunk of metal and four tires. He saw a girl who was willing to give it all... except for her "freedom." He saw this, and He knew that she would never be able to live the life He'd called her too if it wasn't addressed. Sometimes God speaks in a gentle whisper, reminding you of who He is, and what He would like to see from you. Sometimes, a car comes from nowhere and smacks your pride and joy, leaving it useless and forcing you take a step back and reexamine yourself.

I realized I needed to stop holding the idea of who I am in my car. My freedom and independence, my free-spirit, my solitary expeditious ways, that wasn't what mattered. What mattered was that I was holding all of that one level above the call I have in my life. I had conditions that needed to be filled in order for me to obey.

So, now I'm trusting Him to provide transportation. It has been a struggle for me, to ask other people for a ride, when I'm the one who is generally able to offer the rides. It's been a struggle to not be able to grab my keys and just go. It's been a struggle when I feel trapped in one spot. I'm struggling guys, but at the same time, I'm learning that my identity isn't within what car I drive, or where that car can take me. It's in what Jesus Christ did for me on calvary and how far this story of true love can take me. 

With Love, 

1 comment:

  1. Oh man! I was totally carless when I was at BGU, but there was always someone to help out. God humbled me so much without a car because I had to rely on other's to help me. But there was always someone there. To the point that he sent a random lady who I had never met who somehow knew I needed a ride to bring me back home.

    You will be so blessed during this time, and amazed at how much he will provide for you! Good luck, and I hope God moves through this.