The Hardest Part

When I was preparing to leave for Minnesota, I had several people tell me to prepare for struggles. I was thankful for their warnings and advice, but see, here's the thing, they warned me against the wrong kind of struggles. They told me "it will be hard when you're sad because your friends won't be there to support you." They said, "your battle with depression will become more intense because you won't be around people you're comfortable with." They said, "when life doesn't go as planned, you won't be able to call the people you depend on to bail you out." 

I knew I would face struggles, and yes, I have, but not those ones. My friends have been there when I'm sad. Maybe not in person, but a cell phone is a wonderful thing and I know my support team is only a text or a call away. If one doesn't pick up, I can always call the next one. To be honest, my depression has almost vanished. It's amazing what seeking the Lord can do in your life. When once I felt lost and hopeless, now I feel fulfilled and more joyful then I have in years. I've had rough days, but nowhere near what I used to go through. As far as life not going as planned, I've made new friends. They will never take the places of those back home, but I'm sure they are just as capable of picking up an exhausted, emotional girl from the side of the road. When I find out for sure, I'll let you know, but I'm really not worried about it.

What nobody actually said before I left was "you'll want to cry when you can't be there for them." 

When I get a text telling me things have gone wrong, loved ones are in pain, doctors are involved, jobs may be lost. I want to cry. I want to cry because while I may not actually be able to do anything if I were there, I would at least be there, not 1,800 miles away just working on homework.

People told me it would be great, to have a fresh start. They acted like I would be set free, no longer having to worry about my near and dears. They were blind. When you love someone, you want to be close to them. You want to stand by their side and make sure they're getting the best care possible. You want to be able to hold them when they cry out in pain because if they have to be in pain, at least you've got them. They were blind to what love is. 

At this point, all I can say is, the Lord is teaching me the power of prayer. I may not be able to stand present in times of need, but God is always present and He hears my cries of protection over those I love and miss. 

With Love,
Trishelle

Please, Please, Let Me Love You

We, Americans, live in a culture where people are always rising to defend others. They want society to know that it's okay if you love cats, and it's okay if you love dogs. It's okay if you like to bike, or snowboard, or skateboard. It's okay if you like black, but if you like yellow, that's alright too. Introvert, or extrovert? Both are good. Do you like to stay inside and read, are you a geek, or a nerd? It's all good. Some of us are vegetarians, and some of us like steak. Don't worry, both of you are accepted. Do you like the cold, or thrive in the sun? Whichever you choose is excellent. Coffee is good, but tea is good too. Muslim, hindu, atheist, agnostic, buddhist, you're all okay.

I am a christian. 

That's not okay.

I get it, I really do. I've been hurt by people who have claimed that title as well. I've seen their hypocritical ways. I've watched them tear people down. I've heard them lie through their teeth. I know. 

Please, please, let me tell you. They are not christians. The meaning of christian is "to be Christ-like," and even if you don't believe the Bible was truly inspired by God, you at least know that Jesus Christ was known as a good man. A kind man. A loving man. A man who cared for others more than he cared for himself. Here's the thing, and please stay with me, I could spend all day telling you I'm a fish, but when you look at me you don't see scales. You don't see gills. You don't see fins. No matter how much I tell you I'm a fish, you won't believe me, even if I'm convinced of it myself; that's not what you see. Don't you think there are people who can knock on your door and say the word christian, and be wrong?

We're a culture of not setting stereotypes, and yet for years I have feared stepping forward and saying the words "I am a christian." I was afraid, because I knew I would be put into a category I didn't want to be a part of. I didn't want to be seen as the one who brings the Bible to you and proceeds to force it down your throat. I didn't want you to see me as the one who would turn away from you because you did something the Bible teaches against. I didn't want to be seen as someone of judgement, instead of someone with love. 

Here I am, begging you, do not put me in that box with the other "christians" who have hurt you. Let me love you. Let me walk beside you and show you what the word Christian really means. When I fall, recognize that it's not because I have a Bible, but because I forgot to open it. When you ask me for advice, or my opinion, expect real and honest answers, but know that even if it's not the answer you wanted, I still love you. I am still here for you. I still care about you, even if I don't agree with you. If you want to know why, I will gladly tell you, but be prepared to hear the answer.

I love you, because Christ loves me. 

With Love,
Trishelle